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Heartbroken
Im a Freshman in High School, and there’s this girl… She doesn’t go to my school and she lives kinda far away but still in the same state. I met her over 10 years ago and we’ve liked each other since we met and been on and off for the past 3 years. I never see her, and my dad won’t drive me to see her because he’s doesn’t care about me very much, he doesn’t really do anything for me and I basically take care of myself, but I REALLY like this girl and she likes me more than I like her, but I don’t go out with her because I don’t see her. Lately I’ve been getting the feeling that she doesn’t like me anymore, she likes someone else a lot more than she likes me, which has never happened before… I’m not one to get jealous and I’m not jealous of this guy. And this is just part of the problem. I am the only virgin in my school, and me and this girl promised to lose our virginity together, but I’m 70% sure she didnt keep to that promise plenty of times. And it completely crushes me that she probably didn’t keep that promise, and it also crushes me that I’m the only virgin in my school, I really need to lose it soon anyways, I’m gunna be 17 next year! I always feel unatractive, useless, and unwanted. This girl made that go away, but now it’s coming back… I don’t know what to do at all. And the only girls that like me are in lower grades, other school districts, or both! And that shows me that the only reason they like me cause they don’t know me very well. My best friend Taryn is in eighth grade, and she’s really close to me, but I don’t like her like that cause thats weird… But her and her boyfriend have sex all the time! Like what the actual fuck!? You’re younger than me and you can get with someone! It really gets me depressed cause I feel like I’m the only person who knows what this feels like. Once there was this other girl, and I liked her a lot but not as much as the first girl, but we got really close in 8th grade, and she liked me in 8th grade after I tried so hard to get her to like me, but the problem was that she had a boyfriend. They had sex this year, but broke up a couple weeks ago, and shes tried to kill herself multiple times, even after my friend killed herself 6 months ago. But I still kind of like her but I don’t want to go out with her till I’ve had sex. But the thing about me is that I won’t have sex with someone that has already, that’ll just make it weird… I’m always the guy that gives relationship advice without being in on, and people always come to me and then it reminds me that I don’t have anyone, I’m making everyone else happy and stay in good relationships but I’m never happy myself. I’m so confused… This stuff may not make sense to you, but if you read all of this, thank you:), I really need advice, like you have no idea how much all of this hurts me. How it KILLS ME! This is my first time asking for help on anything like this, especially on tumblr. Please help me. I’m so lost and confused:( |
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